Krow here.. 

We are in precarious times.

It seems possible we could do amazing things, tree villages and Eco-highways with solar cars, cure cancer and stop malaria. It seems we could save the world. 

But mostly it seems insane. So much greed and distrust, murder and corruption. Really horrible things are happening all the time, really horrible things. 

I wonder how we look, as humans evolving.

If there is anyone out there, and I think there is, I wonder how we seem. 

These letters, I write to say what I see, to bear witness from my unique perspective. 

I believe we are like pixals, each of us a perspective of light. 

We each see from our own view, and as we each light our perspective, the vision becomes complete. 

I am writing letters to let the cosmos know what I am witnessing here, being human at this time.

I like to dialogue, to exchange ideas, to share experience and wisdom and I like to converse with interesting people who have personal stories to back up their beliefs and viewing points.
I know that there are as many versions of reality as there are people and places from which to view it, and I expect that you realize that yours is but one viewing point.
Mine is another.

Sometimes I am wrong, I may have not understood what I saw, or I have wrong information. That is so easy to do in this world of instant access to anything. I am OK with being called out on misinformation, and am OK with being asked about why or how I know something. I am OK with any questions, additions or comments.

But..

I don’t like trolls. I banish them, forever.

Hello, it’s me
I was wondering if after all these years you’d like to meet
To go over everything..

It’s just about spring 2016, can I get away with this as a blog opening?

It’s from Adele. She is a popular singer songwriter from the British Isles, where Avalon once held with Druids and dragons, fairy realms and enchantments. They still keep the ravens at the Tower of London there and their bards, minstrels and jesters are the best in the world.

I am borrowing some lyrics she wrote that touches the anguish I think we all are feeling here on the planet. It is not an easy time, but it seldom is.

…They say that time’s supposed to heal ya
But I ain’t done much healing

It doesn’t feel like we have healed much. You, whom or whatever you are out in the cosmos, feel very far away.

We still have war.
It’s even worse now that we have invented horrific machines that we can fly ‘remote control’ from anywhere in the world and kill hundreds of people, somewhere else.

We don’t have to look at them as they die. We have bacteria and viruses and chemical warfare stuff that people in laboratories invent, all ready to unleash on our chosen enemies.
We have not found a single path to peace in all this time, not one.

There are more people living in destitution than ever before on the planet, more homeless people right now, more sick, starving, poor, enslaved, embittered and hopeless people than ever in earth’s collective histories.

Hello, can you hear me?
I’m in California dreaming about who we used to be
When we were younger and free
I’ve forgotten how it felt before the world fell at our feet

California dreaming… we made a fantasy world, a Disney land for adults where everyone lived in white mansions on warm coastlines sipping expensive wine, taking about football or movies.
We were selling the American Dream as a package deal, golden arch by golden arch around the world.
Sky scrapers and ice rinks in the deserts, winter strawberries and tropical flowers, demanding more and more power and water.

We have rerouted rivers and dammed lakes, changing the face of the earth to suit our greed.
Skylines of the world light up in a new year’s cheer of coal fire and nuclear reactors. Deeper and deeper the fracking wells pocket landscapes as tsunamis unleashed by quaking dragons hurl catastrophes dark against the distant shores.

We are all one in the outrage, this dream is killing us.

They wear gas masks to work in Asia from the slow burn of pumping palm oil halfway across the atmosphere. We cannot breathe. We are sick with cancers and strange neurological disorders, and our children are killing each other in cold blood in our war torn jail-schools.

It is not working, this dream, we know it, but we have sold it to the world, in technicolour production.

There’s such a difference between us
And a million miles

I look at the images from the Hubble telescope and they are beautiful.
The colours and hues, the shapes and the flow of everything in this universe is so beautiful. There must be an intelligence, an artist, a force, there must be something original out there; something that hears me.

I don’t believe in a God.

It took a while to extricate the iconic image of the old bearded white man on the golden throne granting good wishes to the worthy and smiting the bad guys. That magical icon has been so imprinted on the human psyche that most of the earth’s populations since it’s enactment have embraced some form of it’s enchantment and many live in fear of it still.

I am not sure of what I am expecting, out there, but it feels more communal, more egalitarian than that. It feels more like the many, finding their place in a pattern, or a co-creating of an intricate design.

I am reminded of good musicians coming together to write music, knowing that the song is already right there just waiting to be released. Each musician finds their own piece to play that creates the whole.

That’s how I imagine it feels out there; that’s what those pictures look to me, a glorious dance to the music of the stars, choreographed by us all.

That’s why I like to look at the stars, to have my nights in places where one can still see the stars; it reminds me of that feeling.

It does not always feel like that on earth.

Sometimes I fear we are trapped in so many bad spells, memories of betrayal and war, old remnants of evil, witch hunts and genocides, patterns of corruption and bigotry, that they are entrenched in our human psyche forever.
I fear we keep getting pulled back under every time we try to rise above the limitations of ignorance and arrogance, tyranny taking it’s stranglehold over faith.

Sometimes it feels like we are a million light years away from you.

Hello from the other side
I must have called a thousand times
To tell you I’m sorry for everything that I’ve done

We know we are responsible for what has happened here. We know earth emanates frequency fields that must broadcast through this universe.

The good and beautiful contributions, like music and poetry, dance and love making, hope and happiness must waft somehow from us as well.

We humans have also created unimaginable hell here on earth. We have cast our friends and families into that hell and we watch them burn, over and over and over again.

We are responsible for the worst of us, enacted upon the victims of circumstance by all of our ancestors and neighbours. All of our lands are soaked in the blood of the innocents and guilty alike.

We are responsible for the worst of us and the best of us equally.

I know this… and I am so sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you.

But when I call you never seem to be home

It is so hard to hear you, or to trust what we hear.

Everything here, in the society I live in, is bought and sold, even integrity if it is packaged correctly. Everything has a price tag and everyone has their price and that’s the way the world is run here. It is not easy to find people operating outside of that paradigm.

We all still need to ‘earn a living’ and the system that was set up on that secret island named after a fictitious madman, is still the currency we have to bargain with. Entire countries are indebted so badly that it will take generations to pay back the money.

It is an insane system we have been creating here.
Only some people get to take what they want while the rest must beg the scraps from them.

I don’t trust it when someone is trying to sell me their truth. I don’t trust any religion or those that call themselves saints. I don’t trust everything I read or witness either. I also don’t trust heroes.

A mentor once told me that we all were standing in front of a fictitious castle, hoping some king would take pity upon us and help us out. ‘Go home’, he said.”Go home to your villages and help each other. There is no one home in the castles. They are an old illusion. No one’s home. Haven’t been for years.’

I think he is right, no one is going to rescue us. We are caught in an old worn out pattern and we need to disentangle. But we so want to be rescued. If only we could set it right, make amends, do whatever it took to set back time, undo the pain, be redeemed before it is too late.

Hello from the outside
At least I can say that I’ve tried
To tell you I’m sorry for breaking your heart
But it don’t matter. It clearly doesn’t tear you apart anymore

I feel like that sometimes too. When I look upon the face of the Syrian boy washed up on the beach, the kidnapped girl from Nairobi, or the elder from Northern BC who is looking for her missing granddaughters, I feel so sorry for all the breaking hearts around this world.

If anyone were out there, and they had any idea of the pain we were going through here, why the fuck would they not come to help us?

Would they not take the oppressors off this planet once and for all?

..and I hear ‘It’s not that easy, it’s the patterns that need healing, not the people.’

Hello, how are you?
It’s so typical of me to talk about myself. I’m sorry
I hope that you’re well
Did you ever make it out of that town where nothing ever happened?

True, I don’t know what is going on in the universe, and I know I only have a small perspective.

Is it so.. ‘light speed’ out there that we are just a flicker in all our eternity, or is it a test of some kind? Is it a school we have to graduate from, learning to be civil to each other? Did we volunteer for this or just get pulled into it because of unfinished business?

Is our suffering just a momentary illusion to our ‘higher selves’ not important enough to take notice of? I have heard these beliefs in various formations of religion, as if that explains it all. Like “it’s meant to be.”

Meant by whom. You? I sure hope not.

Terror is real to those experiencing it. The horrors are real here in the physical existence of earth, and they hurt. We all suffer from every enactment of violence and evil that takes place here, not just the ones who are suffering the indignity directly. We live in a ripple effect no matter how hard we try to ignore it. Where ever terror has been influcted, the landscapes, the stones and trees, buildings and furnature soak it up. We walk over the bones and blood of the slain and the tortured every day. We walk past those still suffering, ignoring their misery. 

But enough about us.

What has been going on out there in the vastness of space time? What have y’all been up to? What are other civilizations like? I hope you’re having fun.

…and why can’t anything or any being in that glorious universe come and help us?

Are you OK out there?

Is it just so peaceful there that you’d rather not get involved in our drama?
Is that it?

Would we be disturbing your peace? Are we that bad?

And it’s no secret that the both of us
Are running out of time

I know we are running out of time here. Science is fighting commerce and science is flat broke.

I don’t know a lot about how it all works in this vast universe, but I would think the ripple effect of what we are doing on earth right now is having an impact on all of you out there.
I am so sorry for what we’ve done, and are continuing to do.

We do have something good to offer this universe, given the chance to evolve our love and creativity, but right now, we need help.

So hello from the other side
I must have called a thousand times
To tell you I’m sorry for everything that I’ve done
But when I call you never seem to be home
Hello from the outside
At least I can say that I’ve tried
To tell you I’m sorry for breaking your heart

But it don’t matter. It clearly doesn’t tear you apart anymore.

Lyrics by Adele Adkins and Greg Kurstin

Here’s my poem

Appollo's Creed
mistaking Mithras' intention
weighed in upon the temples of mercy
where Zeus beheld Hera
in highest esteem
but wavered
in judgement

War
Rape and pillage
as leader bequeathed leader
the right of the mighty
Ships of knights
in passing
judged not.

Stories told by the victors
were left
where the living may find them

Burn
Damnation and hell-fire
who’s tale to tell
in the final moment
of life between life?

Spires rise higher
and spiral out of control
of the masses
performing for millennia
the practice of patience
and redemption

Escape
Hope of the hopeless abide
and hide in a new world
where fortune is found
and fought over

Picket fence and union dues
subdue the natives...
who are restless.

Ancestors ghost dance a future
out of a past
that was mistaken
for another world.

It's me again.

It’s really, really hard to be human, much harder than we give ourselves credit for. It is particularly hard to be alive on earth today.

I thought we were suppose to be evolving, that is the mind set I had about life here on the planet. Yet billions of people struggle with fear, shame, poverty, violence and hopelessness. It doesn’t matter how many lives you’ve lived or where and when you’ve lived them; you will suffer some random event that will cause you pain at least once in a lifetime. For many alive today, pain is their most common experience.

There aren’t that many happy stories here on the planet right now. There are more people homeless and hungry, living in fear, poverty and misery than ever before.

More are killed by wars and violence than at any other time in human history, we are murdering millions this year alone with our dynamic new war machines, killing devices run by trigger happy ‘gamers’ trained since childhood to find the enemy in every ‘other’.

 It is really scary to hear people talking about ‘bombing the crap out of them’ bombing them into extinction’ when talking about other humans. The sport of hunting animals to extinction that has gone on in many cultures is also seen in war against humans. Violence against children, elders and vulnerable women and men is epidemic in many cultures around the world.

We have more slaves now than ever before; economic, political and religious slavery. Mining, fishing, lumber and agriculture industries use slavery including child slavery and the slavery of domestic workers is what keeps the world economy thriving. The sex industry regularly buys and sells it’s boys and girls at market prices, and you can buy or rent a human of any age for your sexual gratification in pretty much any country.

We throw out truckloads of food while desperate people starve to death on prime time TV. We have more than enough food, and we know how to feed ourselves, but we don’t. We rely on corporations to feed us, gluttonously, in some parts of the world, and “barely get by on what we can scrounge” in other places.

We have more droughts and floods, tornadoes and hurricanes, tidal waves and earth quakes of greater and greater magnitude. We continue blowing holes in the earth’s crust despite these side effects, to get more oil, just to add more carbon to the atmosphere. We are hell bent on destroying it all, taking it with us when we go it seems. ‘If we can’t have it no one will’ is a popular earth phrase in many languages and I see this attitude in many a corporate action.

Some religions say ‘it is meant to be this way’ because someone prophesied it at some time in history, or someone said they did.

Some say that is because we are suppose to know sadness to know joy, hate to know love, pain to know pleasure as if our nervous systems are designed to function through extremes. Give candy when good, cause pain when bad, spare the rod, spoil the child, we truly believe we learn best through fear and pain despite any and all research that proves otherwise. Personal parenting experience for thousands of generations of knowing that love and kindness is the best teacher, is ignored in this kind of logic.

Some say we are here to learn of the suffering and require it to evolve! We must survive and learn the lessons to pass on to the next level they say; like some kind of school with a sadistic head master or a cosmic video game designed by a group of discarnate nerds in the sky.

As if we are trapped in a virtual reality game meant to fast forward our spiritual growth and development, guided by some techno team setting the software for earth’s evolution.

There are billionares who believe the next evolution of humanity is to become pure energy, of digitalized memories, attitude and personalities. They believe the ‘spirits’ of the ‘wisest’ or richest, can be captured and kept in cyber space for the future of humanity!

People believe some strange things on earth today. You would be shocked, I am sure, at the ridiculous assertions we hear from our Gurus, tech billionares, political and religious leaders. 

Some say a band of angels are really in control here, but they can’t interfere with our personal lessons, like sadistic voyerists fascinated by the train wreck of humanity. 

Some believe that good people get rewarded and bad people get punished and if bad things are happening, you must have in some incarnation been bad, or you are from a bad lineage. You deserve it, the pain, the betrayal, the violence, the illness, all brought on by something bad or wrong you did at some point.

Some say Earth is ruled by a species of lizard who don human form to fool us. They spray the air with neuro-toxins or nano-bots from airplanes to keep the real humans stupid while they gobble up all our resources. They own all the land and control all the money and keep it all in their elite families they say. They say the Queen of England was one of them and all her decedents.
I would think the ravens of the tower would know if she was human or not.

You would not believe the things people believe here. I am guessing maybe we are trying to justify, to make sense of the senseless horror too many here suffer.

I am not sure how it all works, but most of the theories seem rather silly to me.

I used to think if people knew what was going on in our world, if they had access to knowledge, to teachers and philosophers and could educate themselves they would make different choices. I thought if people knew about each other they would help each other. If you knew your neighbour was in trouble you would help, wouldn’t you?

I think a lot of us thought if we could make information and communication accessible to more people, we would become enlightened and would make a better world together. So many dedicated their lives and still work tirelessly to make education available to all people because we believe education and knowledge is the power that could free us from the cycles of pain here.

That was the original idea of internet accesablity. 

More information IS available for most people; you can ‘google’ anything you are curious about and just as many more lies and distractions will be dredged up with the goods. We wrote the whole internet after all. It is a place filled with all our knowledge and our fantasies and falsehoods too.

Our school systems teach what each society wants it’s children to learn and we have societies where children grow up not knowing anything about anyone other than who they can see in their own community. Many are taught lies or skewed views of history and are not allowed to access world information. Education has become a tool in the hands of the tyrants in many places.

More accessible communication is also matched by more mass misinformation, innuendo and threatening comments trolling every truth teller. ‘Be careful whom you talk to, and who you listen to’ is a brutal truth in many lands. You can be killed for knowing too much, and there are companies who are hired to put out distractions and to feed lies into the information system to distract people from ugly truths. Many companies and governments don’t want any of us looking too closely at what they are doing.

No one has been saved despite education, religion and all the gathered wisdom we have on this planet.

I think that most religions and beliefs are just bull shit, a way we have of dealing with what we experience, trying to rationalize it by appointing some higher power cause and effect over our lives. I believe we have made up stories we tell ourselves for why there is so much pain involved in being human. I think we create what we believe, over and over and over again.

We believe in good and evil and desperately try to align with one side, whichever one is offering the best deal of the time. Inquisition, KKK, Boko Hiram, ISIS, Nazi, They all believe that ‘God’ is on their side, and will die for that god and the promises made for after death.

Our brains have organized themselves in many societies, to ‘mark’ experiences as either positive or negative, pain or pleasure. We believe this is how brains operate, but I wonder if this is just how we have trained them to be. After all, most studies have been done on people from similar upbringings, similar culturl experiences, so how would we know what human brains are capable of as far as our sorting of experiences? 

I expect duality thinking is trained, not natural.

We seem to  think violence is inherent in humanity and that we need war or we would be over populated here. We have a lot of self hatred issues, we humans.

We do not believe in the human race, we believe that humanity is at root greedy and vengeful, rapists and murderers looking for personal power and pleasure, and we choose literature and movies and television shows that depicts this belief for our children to be raised on. How many generations of North American kids had to read Lord of the Flies, or Catcher in the Rye, The Day No Pigs Would Die, strange mythologies to teach our children about life!

Although many of us truly despise what we see acted out all around us, flashing across CNN and paraded on the streets of every nation, the violence, callousness and corruption is such an intricate part of our lives we believe it is normal. We continue to make movies and televisions shows glorifying war and violence, colonialism and sexism, all accepting this way of being as true human values.

I think many people are so ashamed to be human, that we hate ourselves and everyone else. Self hatred is so bad it turns in on us and we become all that we hated in others, we became the hate. The colonized become the colonizers, those treated with violence become violent, the repressed become the oppressors, all of us acting out our coping strategies for survival.

This is so true for many, but not all. Every now and then pockets of people rise above this status quo and act in decent and rational ways. We see them as heroes and share their wise words with each other. We also fear for their lives as many are murdered.

I watch people when I am in towns and cities. I wonder if you watch us from out there?

People stumbling along, many very overweight, legs jutting woodenly, heads jerking forward; the effort of pushing and pulling their body along wearing them down. There is no bounce in their step, no lightness of being, life is a struggle, a painful struggle.

I see faces lined with worry, mouths talking into hidden microphones, buds in the ear, distracting, engaging with something that feels more real than what the moment has to offer.

Eyes riveted to the screen, streams of bodies wrapped in winter garments waft by on the periphery, dodging each others’ mortal existence.

Juxtaposed on the giant screen street-side in every big city are waves of Syrian, Afghan, Sudanese and Ukranian people fleeing rubble filled lands on ABC and CBC ‘Please let us in’ pleading the airwaves as infants die in the cold waters of apathy.

What have we become?

‘I just want a normal life’ I hear people say. ‘Have a home, have kids, have a job, grow old’.

What does that even mean? Is there any sane reason why only some people have access to everything while others have nothing?
Why am I still seeking reason within insanity?

How many people walk around in this apathetic sleep state? Most of us here it seems, yet I can’t fault everyone, it is too much to bear for most of us.

We want it to go away, all the pain, all the wars, all the misery. We want it to be nice here, friendly and good for all. We do not want to really see the world we have made. It is too hard to look at it and too overwhelming to feel.
We shut down our empathy, shut down our telepathy and harden ourselves to the brutality of most people’s lives.
It’s their fault they suffer. It must be, we tell ourselves smugly to keep from feeling.

They are dying out there. Overflowing hospitals filled with the sick, our new environment killing us. Children are born sick and diseased everywhere we live within polluted lands, water and air and food. Millions of people flee war, terrorism, drought and pestilence, risking their last bits of life for the hope of something better somewhere else.

Raving tyrannical politicians promise a hero’s way out, for the chosen ones, obliteration for the enemies, prime time.
We are afraid, we humans.
We are afraid of the future we are making.

Meanwhile, I am here in the forest, sipping tea, writing stories, keeping the winter fire going, watching the final blossom fall off a white orchid, waiting for spring.

We are alive. Maybe that is enough.